Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don’t understand.

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn’t understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and said, “You know, maybe we should learn a second language.”

“Why would you want to do that?” replied the other guy.

“It would help out in situations like the one we just had.”

“What good would knowing a second language be? That guy knew 4 and it didn’t help him any.”

“““““

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Six guys were playing poker when Wilson loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”

They draw straws. Phil, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.

“Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name–leave it to me.”

Phil walks over to the Wilson house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Phil says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”

She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”

Phil replies, “I’ll tell him.”

“““““

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they’ve been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it’s a joke.

“We’ll be a laughing stock” says the first sailor.

“I’ll never be able to live it down” says the second.

“Let’s tell the captain that we’ve decided not to go” says the third.

Headstrong they head to the captains quarters to voice their displeasure and inform him of their decision.

The captain hears them out but ultimately disagrees and informs them that they’ll be going ahead with the journey.

“But we’ve got you outvoted 3 to 1” the sailors cried in unison.

“You fools” said the captain “you’re all forgetting one thing!”
“What’s that?” Exclaimed the sailors.

The captain stood tall and addressed them powerfully.

“That this isn’t a democracy…”

“It’s a dick tater ship!”

“““““

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So, Chad sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”.

Chad says to himself, “Eh, what the hell. I’m pretty talented,” and calls the circus. A lady answers him.

“Hello,” she says.

“Hi, is this the circus?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard you’re hiring.”

“You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?”

“Chad.”

“Alright then, Chad, what makes you think you can join the circus?”

“Well, I have several talents… for example, I can shoot a three-pointer in basketball, like five times in a row.”

“O… Okay… That’s quite impressive, sir, but it’s not really not what we’re looking for. I think maybe you should call the NB…”

“No, no, wait! I… I can hula hoop for like 30 seconds straight!”

“Sir, I really don’t think you understand what the concept of a cir…”

“No, please, I… I… I can jump on one leg while saying the alphabet backwards!”

“…”

“…”

“Goodbye, sir.”

She hangs up the phone.

Chad sits there for like five seconds until he realizes he forgot something.

“Oh crap! I forgot to tell her I’m a horse!”

“““““

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