A kid comes home from school and he tells his father his math teacher wants to see him. His father asks why and kid says “well he asked me what is 6×7 and i said 42 then he asked me what is 7×6 and i said what the fuck is the difference?” his father says “ok i will visit your teacher when i have time.”.
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Next day he asks his father if he talked with his teacher. Dad says “not yet.”. Then kid says “When you come to my schools visit my P.E teacher too.”. His father asks “what happened?” Kid says ” He wanted me to raise my left arm and i did, then he wanted me to raise my right arm and i did, then he wanted me to raise my left leg i did that too but then he told me to raise my right leg and i said what am i going to stand on? my dick?”. His dad says “ok son i will give him a visit too”.
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Next day kid says his dad “dad have you visited my teachers?”. Dad says “not yet.”. Kid says “there is no need to anymore i got expelled.” dad “why did you expelled?”. Kid tells “They called me to principals office there were my math teacher, my P.E teacher and my science teacher.” Dad asks ” What the fuck was your science teacher doing there?”
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and kid says “Yeah i asked the same.”.

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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”

Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

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A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke:
“Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”
Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice:
“Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”

The entire congregation said: “Amen.”

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I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel. The Madame asked, “what can we do for you?”

I said, “I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me.”

The Madame asked “You poor thing; whatever for? And why do you have a jackass and a honeycomb?”

“Well,” I answered, “my woman stumbled upon a genie in a bottle, and he granted her 3 wishes. The first was to have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this jackass. Her second wish was for a ‘house fit for a queen’, so he gave her this beehive.”

The Madame asked, “And what of the third wish?”

“For her third wish, my woman asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee.”

“Well, that one’s not so bad!” the Madame exclaimed.

“‘Not so bad!?’, I replied, “I used to be 6 feet tall!”

– Tyrion “the Imp” Lannister

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