Four men went golfing together one day. Three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home – for free.”

The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, “My son is a stock broker and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?” The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay. He is also amazing. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”

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A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window.

He rolled down the window and asked the officer: “Why is there such a traffic jam?”

Officer: “A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don’t get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I’m going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you’d please help.”

Man: “Ok. How much are other people giving?”

Officer: “On average, about two gallons.”

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a beautiful girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a beautiful girlfriend with big tits.

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There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church’s stairs and vanished.

The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass.

So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.

One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell.

As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death.

When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child’s name.

The priest said “I don’t know his name, but his face rings a bell.”

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