Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says “my family is mostly happy but what we really need is a bit more money. My dad leaves for work before I am even awake and he works hard until late at night to put food on the table. Money is needed in my family, more time with my dad is needed.”

The teacher is moved, she thanks the student and moves on to the next, a little boy stands up and says “all we are missing in my family is my older brother. He wen’t off to fight in the war a year ago and nobody has heard from him since. My mom always waits for him by the window. My brother is desperately needed back in our family.”

The teacher is now tearing up, she thanks the little boy and moves on to the next student, eventually making their way around the classroom with one heartfelt response after another.
Finally they come to the last student, Little Johnny. The teacher has come to expect antics from him but gives him a chance. “Little Johnny, what about you… what is something needed by your family?” Little Johnny stands up briefly and says “nothing, we have everything” and sits back down. The teacher, slightly upset, asks “Now how is that possible? Each of your classmates have shared something, how can you be so sure that your family doesn’t need a thing?”

Little Johnny stands back up and says “well I was watching TV with my parents late last night when my sister came home crying. She said DAD! Please don’t be mad at me but I am pregnant! My dad disappointingly slapped his knee and said “Damn it! That’s all we needed!”

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A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.

“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.”

“””””

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3 Irishmen and 3 Englishmen are buying train tickets. The Englishmen all buy a seperate ticket, 3 in total. The Irishmen however buy only one ticket for the three of them.
One of the Englishmen asks: “Won’t you guys get thrown off the train?”

“You’ll see,” say the Irish.

After riding the train for half an hour, the six men see the conductor coming into the back of their train car. While the 3 Englishmen all reach for their ticket, the Irishmen stand up and all proceed to the toilets, where the 3 of them enter a cabin. After checking the english men, the conductor walks to the toilet and knocks. After s few seconds, a ticket is shoved from under the toilet door, the conductor checks it, shoves it back and proceeds to the next train car.

The next day, the same 6 men are buying tickets. This time, the English men buy only 1. However, the Irish don’t buy a ticket at all.

Again after about half an hour, the conductor enters the car. The english men proceed to the toilets, but the Irish remain seated. After the english men entered a toilet, the Irish stand up and also walk to the toilets.

There, 2 of the irish enter the second toilet cabin, but before the 3rd irish man joins them, he walks to the cabin with the english in it, knocks on the door and says: “Conductor here, ticket please”

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful model with big tits was nude and danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced and shook get large tits before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell. Then all the other bells started to ring.

“””””

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