A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde and asks for her drivers license. The blonde starts looking through her car then asks, “Uhh, what are they again?”

The blonde cop replies, “Ugh. It’s the thing in your purse with your picture on it.”

“Oh yeah,” says the blonde who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blonde police officer opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, “I’m sorry ma’am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn’t have pulled you over.”

“””””
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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside And asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

“Yes, coach”, replied the little boy. ” Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?”

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative. The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?”

“No, coach.”
“Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

“””””

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A goth, a weeb and a brony walks into a bar. Bartender says well looky here! We don’t see you people often in here. So how about this, I’ma make you an offer. Each one of you say the most embarrassing thing you have done, and the person with the most cringe-worthy story gets a drink for free.

The Goth said, well I cut my ex’s name in my arms, I tried to burn it off using sulphuric acid but ended up in an ICU. The weeb then said, well that’s nothing, I once tried to pick up this Asian girl by talking to her in Japanese for 20 minutes, only to find out that she is ethnically Chinese, and was born and raised in California. But I really liked her so I stalked her for half a year and got an restraining order filed against me.

The brony sighed loudly. He inhaled hard on his cigarette, held it for a while and exhaled a long stream of thick smoke. Scratching his neckbeard staring at the ceiling, he said: Can you believe the judge thought these two little cocksuckers should stay with me instead of their mom?

“””””

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

“Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said:

“Meow.”

“””””

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