Several years ago, Dugly was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.

The warden saw that deep down, Dugly was a good person and made arrangements for Dugly to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years in jail, Dugly was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often the inmate would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Dugly into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Dugly refused.

He told the warden, “Gosh, I’d really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.”

“””””

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A frustrated Housewife goes to the doctor . “Doctor, you have to help me. I’ve been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he’s lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be something you can do to help me…”

“Well, it’s not very ethical, but there’s this experimental drug we need to test” the doctor takes a vial from a drawer “this is a very potent aphrodisiac. Just one drop in a glass of water is enough to awaken the libido of a dying man. When you feel it’s a special night and you want to have sex with your husband, try and pour one drop in his glass, and I can guarantee that you will see a new life in him”
“Oh thank you doctor, thank you so much. Tomorrow it’s our anniversary, what better night to try it out?”

Two days pass. The morning after the fated night, the Housewife goes back to the doctor. She appears disheveled, barely being able to walk.

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The Wine Taster at an old vineyard died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels.” He said. “Impressive,” said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. “It’s a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!”

“””””

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A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn’t know what it was. Predictably, he’s hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened and asks the desert man, “Why’d you ruin my good tea kettle?”
The desert man replies, “Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.”

“””””

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