There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued. “Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”
And so they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

“””””

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Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not know what is sex” he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ….”Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”

Stunned by his response, Jane said: “Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don’t shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly.”

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on the ground.

“Here” she said, pointing to her privates, “you must put it in here.”

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: “What the bloody hell did you do that for?

“Check for squirrel.” Tarzan responds

“””””

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A Man goes to the beach with his friends and gets buried up to his neck in the sand.

After a while, his friends leave him to go to the bar.

Some time later, the man looks up to see three beautiful women walking over to him giggling; a brunette, a blonde and a redhead. They stop in front of him. Then the brunette approaches.

“Have you ever been hugged?” She asked the man.

“No.” He replies honestly.

So the Brunette smiles, bends over and gives the man a great big (if slightly awkward) hug. Then she walks off.

The Blonde then approaches the man and asks; “Have you ever been kissed?”

Once again the man honestly replies; “No.”

The blonde smiles then bends over and gives the man a deep and passionate kiss. She then pulls away and walks off.

Finally the Redhead approaches the man and asks; “Have you ever been fucked?”

Sensing a pattern and getting excited, the man answers honestly: “No.”

“Well you are now, the tides’s coming in.”

“””””

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A reporter went to a small village and asked one of the villagers, “hey could you tell me a story about your village?” The villager says “well one time a neighbors goat got lost in the mountains, and we all got together to look for it, and then we found it. We all celebrated and drank and then we all had sex with the goat”.

The reporter looks astonished and says “My friend I can’t make a report on a story like that, why don’t you tell me a happy story”

The villager says “Oh ok, well one time the wife of a neighbor got lost, we all got together to look for her and we found her. Then we all celebrated and drank and then everyone had sex with her.

The reporter then says “My god, well then tell me a sad story!”

The villager, saddened, looks to the ground and replies, “Well one time I got lost.”

“””””

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