In an international police convention, American FBI, English Scotland Yard and Brazilian BOPE are about to take part in a competition.

A rabbit will be set loose in the woods and the team that retrieves it in the shortest time wins.

First goes the Scotland Yard. They use hounds and helicopters and come back with the rabbit in 2 hours.

Secondly goes the FBI. They use high-tech gear and drones with thermal image cameras and return with the rabbit in 1 hour.

Last to go in is the brazilian BOPE. They return after 20 minutes with a bloodied pig, a written confession and the animal is screaming: I’m a rabbit! I swear I’m a rabbit.

“””””

Police Dating for single policemen wanting to meet women and men to date.

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

“There’s so many games!” he said, “What do you wanna do?”

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.
“What next?” he asks.

“I wanna get weighed.” she says, confidently looking at him.

They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins… nothing… The vendor has a good memory.

“What now?” he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.

She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says “I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED.”

He ends the date right there and storms off.

Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, “How was your date?”

She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, “Wousy!”

“””””

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Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at the bar.

I decided to break the ice with these new friends with a few jokes, most of them went down very well.

Until I decided to tell a few more offensive jokes. I picked the worst possible one to start off with.
Here is the joke I told;

“What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry in.”

One of the friends instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I ask him what his problem was he replied that his little brother had been epileptic and had died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously I was mortified as I had not known this. I said “I am so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”

“No” replied the guy, “he choked on a sock.”

“””””

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A young boy says to his father “Dad, the math teacher is asking to see you.”
“What happened?” The father asks.

“Well, she asks me, ‘how much is 7 * 9?’ I answer ’63’ , then she asks, ‘and 9 * 7?’ so I asked ‘what’s the fucking difference?’ ”

“Indeed, what is the difference?” asks the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school “Dad, have you gone by the school?” He asks.
“Not yet.”

“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”
“Why?” asks the father.

The boy explains, “Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked ‘What, am I suppose to stand on my cock!?'”

“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?”

“No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”

“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said” replied the boy.

“””””

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