An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old. A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. “How wonderful!”, his friend says, “What happened?”. “Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.”, he says gratefully.

“Dr. Chang, what did he do?”. “Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death’s door I called for Dr. Chang.” “And what did Dr. Chang do?”, his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, “Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn’t come, so I got well!”

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A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.

A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.

“My beautiful BMW! The god-damned door was torn right off!”

The police officer rolls his eyes and says “You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn’t even notice your left arm was torn off in the crash.”

The man looks down at the bloody stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, “My Rolex!”

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A little girl wants to take her dog for a walk, so she asks her mother whether she can take Lulu for a walk around the block.

Her mother says “No, sweetie. Lulu is in heat”. “What does that mean?”, asks the girl. “Go and ask your father in the garage”, says the mother.

So the girl goes to her father in the garage and asks “I want to take Lulu for a walk, but mum says she’s in heat and to ask you about it”.

The father takes a rag, pours some petrol on it, and then rubs Lulu’s backside with it, to disguise the scent. “Now you can take her for a walk”, he says. “Just don’t let her off the leash, and she’ll be fine”.
So the little girl skips happily away with Lula trotting along beside her.

The girl returned a few minutes later with an empty leash, and no Lulu.

Concerned, her dad asked “Where’s Lulu?”

The girl replied “She ran out of petrol halfway around the block, so the neighbours dog is giving her a push home”.

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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one women, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor women replied. “We have to eat grass.” “Well then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But sir, I have a husband and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.” “Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor women he stated, “You come with us also.”

The second women, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a husband and SIX children with me!” “Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!”

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