A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

“””””

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“Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Ricky Malone?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Ricky, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Cindy Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Wendy Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Becky Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Kate DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Ricky walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads…”

“””””

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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice.

“My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy’s nervousness builds, but he then asks:

“Do you like potato pancakes?” “No,” comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

“Do you have a brother?” “No.” After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”

“””””

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Josh rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox

While there, an attractive young lady with big breasts came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Josh smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Josh broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact and not look at her boobs.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment. I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her flat. She closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off. Now completely naked, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”

Flustered and embarrassed, Josh finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears!”

Astounded and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at these breasts they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! Look at my skin—no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best part of my body is my ears?!”

Clearing his throat, Josh stammered, “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming?”
“Yes.”

“Well, that was me.”

“””””

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