An American and a Russian die and go to Hell. They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.

Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you’ll find that we have all the finest amenities here in Hell, whatever your heart desires, you can find it here! However, you have to eat a shovel-full of Shit each morning, but then you’re free to do whatever you’d like.

Russian hell is basically the same, but you have to eat TWO shovels full of Shit before your start your day.
The American is quick to choose American hell, but is flabbergasted when the Russian chooses to go to Russian hell.

Several eons later the American bumps into the Russian and says “My Russian friend, Hell wasn’t what I thought at all! Every day I play a round of golf on a championship golf course. I hang out with my friends at an amazing social club until late in the afternoon. The brothel I go to has the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Every night I have an incredible steak dinner at a Michelin Star restaurant. I honestly don’t mind eating the shovel-full of shit in the morning anymore. One thing has bothered me all this time though, why did you choose to go to Russian Hell? Was it mistake?

The Russian replies: “It was you who make the mistake Comrade. In Russian Hell, half the time there is no Shovel, and the other half the time there is no Shit.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

A young couple got married and the wife couldn’t cook. But they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says “I’m sorry I burned dinner.” So the husband says “That’s all right honey let’s just make love.”

The second night, he comes home from work and she says “I’m sorry honey, I messed up dinner.” He says “That’s all right honey, let’s just go to bed wink wink.”

The third night he comes home and she’s sitting on the radiator. He asks what she’s doing? and she answers “Warming up supper.”

My very proper 91-year-old Southern Mom says “You’re welcome”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

‘What’s the matter, dear’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met’.
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, ‘Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,’ he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears. ‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. ‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car’

‘Yes, I remember’ said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years’

‘I remember that, too’ she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have gotten out today.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician…

“Greetings, comrade.” says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, “I think you are American spy.”

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, “That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!”
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

“Very good, very good!” says the politician. “But I still think you are spy.”

The man continues to keep his cool.

“I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!”

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

“Amazing! You are skilled!” says the politician.

The spy smirks.

“But I still think you American spy.”

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, “I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!”
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, “You are good, you are good… but I still think you are spy.”

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

“Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?”
The Russian politician replies, “There aren’t many black people in Russia.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.