A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda’s expense..!!

Irish Garda says,” License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish Garda replies, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the Stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish Garda says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License And registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference..?”

Irish Garda says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law.. License and registration, please..!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between “slow down” and “stop”, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket..”

Irish Garda says, “Sounds fair.. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the Hell out of the lawyer with it and says,

“Now then.. Do you want me to stop, or just slow down..?”..

“””””

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A couple and their young son went on a vacation at a hotel next to a nudist beach

The young son came back to the hotel and said, “Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They’ve got these HUGE…”

“Yes, well,” his mother sniffs. “The larger they are, the dumber the woman.”

Next day the boy comes back to the hotel again. “You wouldn’t believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE…”

“Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man.”

“Really?” the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. “We might be in trouble, Mom.”

“Why, honey?”

“Because Dad’s out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he’s getting dumber by the minute.

“””””

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A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?” “NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, “Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”

“NO!” says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, “Okay kid, my last offer! I’ll give you 20 Bucks “and” a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.” Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out… “Look Dad” “You’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley …YOU RIDE IT!!”

“””””

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A sweet old lady telephoned the hospital.

She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”

The old laday in her weak voice said, “Ruth Johnson, Room 514.”

The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Ruth is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Ross, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”

The old lady said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Ruth your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Ruth Johnson in room 514. No one tells me shit.”

“””””

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