A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs.

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”

“””””

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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

The first guy says:

“You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

The second guy says:

“That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

The third guy says:

“Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continue to fish when realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.

So, they asked him:

“What you had to do to be able to come fishing? What’s the deal?”

The fourth guy says:

“Nothing. I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge, and said, ‘Fishing or Sex’ and she said,

‘Don’t forget to wear a sweater.’

“””””

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A rich guy and a poor guy are talking with each other. Both of them are discussing what they got their wives for their anniversary.

The rich guy tells he got his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. The poor guy is amazed and asked him why he got two gifts for her.

The rich guy said, “Well, if she doesn’t like the ring, she can go and return it to the jewellery shop in her Mercedes, either way she is going to be happy!” Both of them laugh together.

The rich guy asks the poor guy what he got for his wife.

“I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo.” The rich guy is baffled by the choice of gifts. He asks why the poor guy got such gifts.

The poor guy replies, “Well, if she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go f*ck herself!”

“””””

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A man went skydiving for the first time. “It’s easy,” said the instructor.

“Just count to five and pull on the main chute,” the instructor continued. “If that doesn’t open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute.”

“Super easy,” he concluded. “Then you’ll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport.”

The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main chute. Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve chute. Nothing happened.

He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: “I bet that bus won’t be there to pick me up either.”

“””””

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