Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

“””””

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Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.
At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.
One asks, “Where do you want to go?”
The other replies, “Hooters.”
“Why Hooters?”
“They have waitresses with beautiful bosoms, tight shorts, and pretty legs.”
“Sounds great.”
At age 45, they meet and play some golf once again.
“Where would you like to go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Again, Why?”
“They have ice cold beer, large televisions, and side action on the sports.”
“Okay.”
At 55, they meet and play yet again. “So where do you want to go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty decent, and there’s lots of parking spots.”
“Alright.”
At age 65, they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, “Where should we go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are only half price, and the food isn’t very spicy.”
“Good choice.”
At 75, they meet once again.
“Where should we head for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have lots of handicap parking spaces, as well as senior discounts.”
“Alright.”
At age 85 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Because we have never been there before.”
“Okay.”

“””””

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The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked “Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”

Maid: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Maid: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maid: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Maid: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maid: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”

Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”

Maid: “No, the gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

“””””

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I asked and old housewife how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

“Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Henry’s life.

Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye. I’ll never forget how supportive my Henry was. Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”

That was my Henry, said the old housewife! Always thinking of others.”

“””””

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