A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit…

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly…

She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied… You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. ‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.

‘Honestly,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
?
‘So I just switched the heads.’

“””””

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A housewife is cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.
“She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie.

I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in five minutes.”

——-

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A French woman and a Spanish man had recently gotten married and moved to Spain.

The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a
little and show her thighs which the seller understood.

One day, she wanted to buy bananas so she brought her husband with him.
.
.
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As her husband could speak Spanish.

“””””

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I got cut off by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said “How much to the station ?” “$25” said the driver. “And how much for a blow job ?” I asked him.

“That’s disgusting” he said “Get out of my cab” I got in the second taxi and said “How much to the station ?”. “$25” said the driver. “And how much for a blow job ?” I asked him. “I’m not having any of that” he said “Get out of my cab” I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.

“How much to the station ?”. “$25” said the driver. “Ok” I said “Let’s go” As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!

“””””

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