A plane full of passengers is ready to take off. After waiting a few minutes, the passengers see what they think is the pilot enter the cockpit with a dog.

The passengers are somewhat confused and ask the flight attendant why the pilot has a dog. The flight attendant explains “Oh, that wasn’t the pilot. This plane is completely operated by a sophisticated AI computer. There is no need for pilots. Only one man and a dog.”

“If it is completely automated, what is the man for?”

“His job was to feed the dog.”

“So what’s the dog for?”

“To bite the man if he tries to touch anything.”

“””””

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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ and rode off.

“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service-station attendant. “Nothing,” the woman answered “I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians don’t use saddles.”

“””””

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A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home. He realizes he’s fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and sees muddy tracks leading to his bed.

The man groans and holds his head, knowing he’s going to be in big trouble with his wife. She then enters the bedroom with a glass of water and some aspirin. “Here sweetie, you probably need this” she says, handing it to him. “Sounds like you had a fun night. When you feel like it, I have your favorite breakfast in the kitchen, you can lay back down and I’ll bring it to you in bed. I had my mom pick up the kids so you can have some peace and quiet, and after you clean up and feel better, I was thinking we could fool around and I’ll do that thing for you that you like.”

The man is baffled that she is being so nice to him. Suspicious, he asks what happened last night
“Around 2 AM I was woke up by you trying to unlock the door. I let you in and you staggered right past me and collapsed in the bed after knocking over the lamp” she says.

“I was mad but I figured I should try to undress you. Then you yelled at me.”
“I’m so sorry honey, what did I say?”

“Get your hands off of me lady, I’m married!”

“””””

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Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, “You know, it takes a real man’s man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands.”

The second cowboy not to be outdone, shakes his head and replies, “You think that’s tough? Why, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot long rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands and bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today!”

The first and second cowboy glance over expectantly at the third cowboy, but he just smiles and says nothing, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

“””””

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