So old Jed is screwing his goat when a neighbor witnesses this unspeakable act of bestiality.

The neighbor calls the cops, and Jed is arrested. Jed goes to a lawyer, explains the case, and the lawyer says, “I can defend you for $5,000.”

“What’s the point?” says Jed. “My neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Why should I waste $5,000? They’re gonna find me guilty for sure.”

“Don’t you worry none,” says the lawyer. “The key to any trial is the jury, and believe me, I know how to pick a jury.” So Jed reluctantly agrees.

The day of the trial, the neighbor gets up on the witness stand. The prosecutor says, “Tell the jury what you saw.” So the neighbor says, “I was walkin’ along my property when I seen old Jed over there approach one of his goats, drop his drawers, and mount that poor animal from behind. After about two minutes old Jed appeared to be finished.”

“What happened then?” asks the prosecutor.

“Well,” says the neighbor, “Then that goat turned around and licked Jed’s pecker.”

A gasp went up in the courtroom, and old Jed had all but given up hope when a juror in overalls leans over toward the fellow next to him and whispers, “You know, a good goat will do that.”

“””””

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A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids. One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Dugly, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, “Honey, I noticed that Dugly looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?”

The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.

The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, “So who is Dugly father?”

“You.”

“””””

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There was a fly buzzing over a lake. In this lake was a fish.

This fish was thinking to himself, “Man, if that fly would come down 6 inches, I could jump up and eat that fly.”

Behind a bush near the lake sat a bear.

The bear looked at the fish, then at the fly, then back at the fish, and then finally the fly.
He thought to himself, “If the fly came down 6 inches, that fish would jump up to eat it and I could catch that fish!”.

Little did the bear know a hunter was lurking in the shadows and had his sights set on the bear.
He saw the bear watching the fish, and the fish watching the fly.

He thought to himself, “Man! If that fly over there came down 6 inches the fish would jump to eat the fly, that bear will try to catch that fish and I’ll be able to shoot me a bear!”

While the hunter kept his sights locked onto the bear, waiting for his moment, a delicious cheese sandwich sat unattended in the lunchbox he foolishly left open and a mouse discovered it.

The mouse glanced at the hunter to look for an opening and saw him setting his sights on the bear.

He then looked at the fish the bear was staring at and noticed the fly buzzing above the fish.

He thought to himself, “Man! If that fly came down 6 inches, that fish would jump up to eat it, the bear would catch the fish, and the hunter would go after the bear! Then I could have this delicious sandwhich.”
The mouse, fascinated by such a gourmet meal, had not noticed the cat hiding above him in a tree.

The cat crouched down, ready to pounce, watching the mouse watch the hunter, the hunter watching the bear, the bear watching the fish, and the fish watching the fly, and thought to himself, “Man! If that fly came down 6 inches, that fish would jump up to eat it, the bear would catch the fish, the hunter would go for the bear, the mouse would try and steal the sandwich, and I can catch me a mouse!”

Well, a few minutes passed, and the fly lowered 6 inches.

The fish immediately jumped out of the water and caught the fly.

The bear lunged out from behind the bush and tried to grab the fish.

BAM! The hunter shot the bear and ran in to confirm his kill.

The mouse made a mad dash for the sandwich.

The cat crouched down and leapt for the mouse, missing by an inch, and landed face first into the lake.
Moral of the story? A lot of things have to happen to get a pussy wet.

My wife and I were walking along the beach the other day…

“It’s interesting, isn’t it.” I said. “A woman can walk down the beach in her bra and panties and people would stare and go, ‘oh my, that’s a bit wrong, that!’ and yet, if she walked along the beach in a two piece bikini people wouldn’t even bat an eyelid. And, when you think about it, a two piece bikini is pretty much just a bra and panties. So, logically, you should be able to walk down the beach, in bra and panties, and nobody should care!”

And my wife said to me, “Larry, I don’t care!

Take them off!”

“””””

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