Two Jewish women are walking down the street, and pass a Catholic church with a sign that says: “$200 to convert!”
They discuss it and one of them decides, why not? She could use the money.
She goes into the Catholic church, is in there for a while, and finally comes out: “I converted!”
Her friend says, “Did you get the $200?” “Is that all you people think about?”
“””””
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A man applies for a government job A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.
”Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The man says “yes, a bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles”
The interviewer is shocked, but assures the man that his disability qualifies him for extra points. “You got the job, sir. Most of us come in at 8am, but you can start tomorrow at 10am.”
“Why do I get to start late?” Asked the man.
“This is a government job. For the first couple hours we just drink coffee and scratch our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
“””””
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Little Johnny was at school when his teacher asked the class ‘Jane. What did you do last weekend? ‘I went for a ride on a choo choo train.’ Jane replied proudly. ‘That’s fantastic!’ replied the teacher, ‘but you need to use grown up words. Next time just say train, not choo choo train.
Tim, what did you do last weekend?’ Tim thought for a second and said ‘I went to granny and grampys house.’ ‘Oh that’s lovely’ replied teacher, ‘but remember to use grown up words. Grandma and grandpa. Johnny, what did you do last weekend? And remember to use grown up words.’ Johnny though for a few seconds and said ‘I read a book’ ‘Oh very good. What was the name of the book?’ ‘Whinny The Shit.’
“””””
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3 army generals bet who has the bravest soldiers. The first general calls one of his men and commands him: “You see that tall flag pole? Climb to the top of it and jump down.”
The soldier is hesitant at first, but then begins to climb the pole. When he reaches the top, he jumps… but breaks a leg.
The other two generals salute the man for his bravery. The second general calls a soldier and tells him: “See that flag pole? Climb it and do a front-flip onto the ground. The man climbs the pole and performs a flip, as the general wished. Unfortunately, upon impact, the soldier tragically breaks his spine.
The generals, again, salute the soldier for his bravery. And finally, it’s the third generals turn. He calls a soldier and commands: “Soldier! Take this backpack full of bricks, climb that flag pole and perform a double back-flip onto the ground.”
The soldier laughs and replies:
“Haha, boss. Fuck you and your commands!”
The general proudly crosses his arms and exclaims:
“Guys, THIS is what I call bravery!”
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