A German is on vacation in America. While driving he accidentally crashes into the car of an American. The American gets out, walks to the German and yells: “Are you blind or something? Can‘t you see where you‘re going?“

The Germans replies:

“Calm down my friend. Let‘s have a quick drink to calm the nerves“

He grabs a bottle of schnapps and hands it to the American. The American takes a sip and hands it back. The German then puts the bottle back in his car.

“Aren’t you gonna drink?“ asks the American.

“No“ said the German. “I‘m waiting for the police to arrive“

“””””

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Guy driving along the highway at 70mph, sees a chicken running along side keeping up. Crazy enough the chicken has three legs! Punches it to 80, chicken stays with it then cuts off down a country road. Guy follows it into the driveway of a farm, sees the farmer.

“Did you see a three legged chicken speed in here”?

“Yeah that’s mine. I breed them that way because me, my wife, and my son all like drumsticks” the farm tells the driver.

“Wow that’s amazing how do they taste?” the guy asks.

“Dunno” said the farmer “never caught one before”.

“””””

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A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.

This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain.”

“””””

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A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket…

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The cop is shooing flies more than he’s writing.

The farmer says “I see you’re being bothered by those circle flies.”

The policeman says, “If that’s what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying.”

The farmer says, “Yeah, we call them that because we see them circling around the rear ends of horses.”

The policeman says, “Hmmm. Did you just call me a horse’s ass?”

The farmer says, “Oh, no sir, officer. I have way too much respect for those who serve in law enforcement to ever say such a thing.”

The policeman says, “Well, that’s a good thing, then.”

The farmer adds, “But… it’s hard to fool those circle flies.”

“””””

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