A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I want to have sex with you right now!”

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.

When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and noticed his wife still twitching and wiggling against the door.

The man said to his wife, “Daaammmnnn, That was so good, honey. You’ve never moved like that before. You didn’t hurt yourself did you?”

His wife replied, “No, no. I’ll be OK. Once I get the doorknob out of my ass.”

“””””

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Housemaid demands a raise from the lady of the house

Lady: So, what do you have in mind?

Maid: I would like to have a ferrari, no?

Lady: Why in the 7 hells do you think you deserve that?!?

Maid: See, I cook way better than you

Lady: Says who?

Maid: Your husband! Also I do laundry better than you

Lady: And why do you think so?

Maid: Your Husband said it, Also I´m much better in bed than you are.

Lady: DOES MY HUSBAND ALSO SAID THAT??!

Maid: No Miss, but the gardener

Lady: …Red or Yellow for the ferrari?

“””””

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A traveling salesman’s car breaks down way out in farm country late in the evening.

Luckily he’s not too far from a quaint little farmhouse, so he goes and knocks on the door. The farmer and his wife answer the door, quite sympathetic to the salesman’s plight.

They let him use their phone to call a tow company. Unfortunately the truck couldn’t come out until morning, so the couple offer to let him stay with them overnight. They don’t have a guest room, but their bed is large enough to fit three comfortably, so the salesman accepts gratefully.

A couple hours after going to bed, the wife turns to the salesman and whispers, “I want you!”

He answers, “But your husband is right there!”

She replies, “Pluck a hair from his butt. If he doesn’t wake up, we can do it.”

He plucks a hair; the farmer doesn’t stir, and they quietly have sex.

A couple hours later, she says “I want you again!”

He plucks another hair from the farmer’s butt, getting no reaction, so they have sex again.

Another couple hours later, she says, “I want you one last time before you go!”

And as the salesman reaches to pluck a hair, the farmer tiredly says, “Look, man, I don’t mind if you do my wife, but could you please stop using my ass as a scoreboard?”

“””””

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A captain aboard a battleship spots a light in the distance in the battleship’s path.

Not wanting there to be a collision, he radios the source of the light: “Change your course ten degrees south.”

The response is quick: “Change your course ten degrees north.”

His pride slightly damaged, the captain responds testily: “I am an admiral, first class! Change your course ten degrees south!”

The response: “I am a lieutenant, second class. Change your course ten degrees north.”

Now losing his patience, the captain angrily radios: “Change your course ten degrees south! I’m in a battleship!”

Comes the answer: “Change your course ten degrees north sir, I’m in a lighthouse.”

“””””

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