Dugly rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive girl with a big butt came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Dugly smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Dugly broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact and not look at her curves.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment. I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her apartment. She closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off. Now completely naked, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”

Flustered and embarrassed, Dugly finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears!”

Astounded and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at these breasts they are full and 100% natural! Look at my butt, it’s perfect and firm, I work out every day! Look at my skin—no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best part of my body is my ears?!”

Clearing his throat, Dugly stammered, “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming?”
“Yes.”

“Well, that was me.”

“””””

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Two older guys were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him how he managed to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stopped the bakery. As he was looking around,the cashier asked if he needed any help. He said, Do you have any rye bread?

She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

“I want 5 loaves.” he answered.

She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”

Shocked, the old man replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me!”

“””””

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When I cam home last night from work, I asked my girlfriend…

Hey can you dress up as my favorite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

“Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite Star Wars character” I exclaimed,

“Fuck off” She shouted “I haven’t got dressed yet”

“””””
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Two old men are sitting in a bar.

One of them looks at the other & says

“You look familiar… where you from?”

The second old man replies “Ireland”

The first old man looks astonished & says

” No way I’m from Ireland myself, what a small world!”

The second old man then looks at the first “What city?”

The first old man says “Dublin?”

The second old man looks astonished

“No way I’m from Dublin meself! What a small world.”

The first man looks at the second old man “What school you go to?”

The second old man replies

“Saint Mary’s class of 89”

The first old man is absolutely baffled

” NO WAY Saint Mary’s class of 89 myself! What a small world!”

At this point, another man comes into the bar & says to the bartender

“Hey, Joe! Anything interesting going on?”

The bartender says

“Not really… but the Murphy twins are drunk again.”

“””””

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