A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars.

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” said the customer.

“Okay,” said the bartender. “If you say you paid, you did.”

The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn’t keep track of his customers’ bills. The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt.

The barkeep replied, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks.

The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responded. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

“““““

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Jason Osgood walks in to a bar,sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender gives him his drink.

Jason says to the bartender, Ill bet you $50 that I can bite my ear!

The bartender says, All right.

Jason takes out his false teeth and bites his ear. The bartender pays him his $50.

Jason orders another drink. The bartender returns with his drink and sets it on the bar.

Jason says to the bartender,I,ll bet you $50 that I can lick my eye!

The bartender smiles and says, I know you cant do that.

Jason takes out his false eye, licks his eye and puts it back in.

The bartender pays Jason $50 and walks away mad.

Jason gets up and mingles for a while. Twenty minutes later Jason sits back down at the bar and orders another drink. The bartender comes back with his drink.

Jason says to him How would you like a chance to win your $100 dollars back?

The bartender looks at him and says, All right what are you going to do this time?

Jason says, You take that beer mug and slide it all the way down the bar,and I,ll pee in it and wont miss a single drop.

The bartender accepts and slides the mug down the bar.

Jason starts pissing and pisses all over the bar, on the cups ,the whiskey,just everywhere.

The bartender says [with a smile], You owe me a hundred dollars!

Jason pays him and walks away.

Twenty minutes later Jason returns to the bar with a smile, and orders another drink.

The bartender brings him his drink and says,Why are you so happy you just lost a hundred dollars?

Jason says, Well, you see those 3 guys over there? I bet them $200 a piece that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldnt get mad!
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